I feel like one of the major failings of sex positive feminism is the insistence that women like watching porn just as much as men, when the idea of watching porn makes me incredibly uncomfortable. And that’s okay?
And yes, I’m including queer feminist porn a something I don’t want to watch.
Something that as a sex educator and a sex positive feminist I really want to teach is this. Sex positivity is for all. It means asexual pride. It means shy pride. It mean sometimes into it sometimes not pride. It’s not about forcing sex. Sex is just what’s stigmatized. Women not liking porn has no stigma. The failing isn’t in sex positive feminism, but in how sex positive feminism is enacted.
See, this is a good example of why so many people find sex positivity so useless and even dangerous. When confronted with any type of critique, the response is “We just want everyone to feel good about themselves!!! Glitter dildo porn!!!” It does not do anything to challenge what makes people (particularly women) uncomfortable with porn, and it doesn’t want to, because that would mean unfun discussion about rape culture and misogyny and racism and transphobia and homophobia. It just says, ‘well, some people like it and that’s ok! maybe you will like it too! ____ pride!” It’s empty. It’s feel-good for those ready to feel good; if you feel bad, if you’re hurting, if you’re traumatized, if you’re saying “I do not wish to engage with those cultural elements you celebrate because they hurt me”, there is no good answer, no room for debate, and you are likely to be driven out by those who view you as a threat.
The thing is that many, many women have experienced this very thing when engaging with sex positivity, and it’s incredibly fucked up to tell them “Well, you just don’t understand! It’s other people’s fault!” There is nothing to understand. There is nothing challenging or new in what you said above; it just emphasizes how unequipped sex positivity is to deal with rape culture and its effects on people’s lives.
there is absolutely stigma attached to women not liking or appreciating porn. just because women are expected to dislike it doesn’t mean we’re also not punished for that perceived frigidity. there’s this men are from mars women are from Venus approach wherein men just need porn, and of course women don’t understand, but it’s also their fault for trying to deprive the poor helpless menfolk from their much needed release. I could probably find an article about how women need to stfu and relax about their husbands watching porn with little to no effort, but ugh who wants to read that shit